They call it that because “shoving a big fat finger up your ass” is a terrible marketing slogan — A normal man, which I consider myself to be, has seven holes in his body. The ones above the waist are two-way holes and the ones below are one-way. Or should be. Except once a year like salmon struggling up the boulder-strewn river to spawn, a highly educated doctor of…

They say hard work never killed anyone but why take the chance? — An elderly couple were attending a church service. About halfway through the wife leans over to her husband and says, “I just let out a silent fart, what do you think I should do?” He replies, “Put a new battery in your hearing aid.” Job interview: A guy goes in…

Here’s my proposal. Will you join me? — An elderly member of my extended family, let’s call him Robbie, recently experienced a fall. Crashing into wooden chairs and glass tables on your way to the floor when you’re 91 years old can be catastrophic. …

Two ordinary moments. One extraordinary outcome. [Prompt #18: Major Changes] “We need to discuss college,” my parents said as we sat in the living room. It was 1976 and I stared at the weeping orange bricks of the fireplace as I cursed my life. I’m sure the conversation was filled…

The bleak landscape of North Dakota is remarkably inspiring — The lonely highway stretched to infinity as I listened to the orchestra of the road. Tires kept time in a syncopated beat as they slapped the expansion joints. Ribbed concrete screeched out a high-piercing note that vibrated my skull like a dental drill. Posts, bushes, and rocks shot past me…

All it takes is ten days, 3,000 miles, and a raging river of inspiration — In the dark and dank of the morning, we hurriedly packed our suitcases, snacks, and cooler into the car. …

Energize your retirement with a fresh — and very strange — way to look at your past, present, and future. — I’m retired. I have some money and I have some time. Do I have enough of each? I hope so, but we all know there’s no guarantee. What I do know is that I can probably get more money if I need it, but I can never get more time…

A story of spaceships, parades, and psychotherapy — and a surprisingly healthy heart — The old gag goes: A man complains to his doctor, “It hurts when I do this.” His doctor replies “Well, don’t do that.” I wrote an article a few weeks back about a frightening development with my health. Every test we did seemed to point to a partial blockage of…

Going, going… — The decade of the 70s was my coming of age — junior high, high school, and college. That era was defined by disco, bellbottoms, leisure suits, and big, long, thick hair. “You need to cut your hair,” said my Dad, a man wearing a military brush cut. …